However, I am beginning to believe that Jesus does not see them as flaws, but instead as pieces of our souls that He placed in our life because He knows that each flaw will bring us closer together and grow my own faith stronger.
It is not a secret that I struggle with anxiety. I have since I was about a sophomore in high school, and it comes out in different ways. Most of the time however, it comes out on those that I care about the most. I believe that this anxiety comes out because I am scared to lose them. Scared that I am not good enough for them to stick around, and that I do not deserve to be happy with them. With these thoughts, that I am perfectly able to capture, I instead let wreak havoc upon my heart and mind- and then the thoughts leave my mouth. Bringing pain to those whom I care deeply about. Why does this happen? What triggers it? Why can't I just stop it?
I obviously don't mean the things I say.
I want to take them back.
It is not me speaking. It is the anxiety.
I feel helpless underneath the burden of anxiety.
I am a SECURE woman of God- with JESUS CHRIST on my side, I have no reason to succumb to the evils of Satan.
Then Jesus, when I am- Broken. Torn. Crushed. Downtrodden. Alone. Weak. Comes in and swoops me off my feet. Like the Knight in shining armor I need at that exact moment. I feel Him dry my tears and hold me in His arms; fighting off Satan and negativity while still healing my heart and redeeming me. He holds me until my heart has stopped racing and the fears have subsided. Then He picks me up and asks me why I have doubted Him, He has never let me down before. At this point of brokenness, I realize that the Lord wants me to use my anxiety to grow closer to Him. He uses it to remind me that I need to live in the present. Live in the NOW. Never faltering to trust in His RIGHTEOUS and HOLY plans. There is no need. No need to worry because....
He is PERFECT.
He is SOVEREIGN.
He is JUST.
And He care specifically for ME.
So these flaws that we have- that impact our lives and that make you feel like they inhibit us from living, indeed do not. They just make us live more intentionally. Not seeking for a feeling of perfection that can never be attained, but walking with the Lord, basking in HIS perfection.
He will never let you fall, no matter how flawed and unworthy you believe you are.
"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose." Romans 8:28
No comments:
Post a Comment