Do you ever feel like you are drowning? Not in the literal sense, but in the figurative sense- for example, are you having a tough time staying above all and on top of every one of your commitments and obligations? I have had mono since February 12th, so multiply that drowning feeling by about ten. There is so much to do, but so little time- or in my case, so little energy. It is hard not to feel bogged down, discouraged, or just plain lazy. I am continually apologizing for having mono because I feel as if I am burden to everyone, or that I am letting people down constantly. I know this is not the case, but when you are in this mentality, it is difficult to shake.
Being a dedicated student, daughter, friend, and girlfriend, you want to take on as much of other people's problems and situations as you can, because you want to spare them pain because you love and care for them. Andrew, my boyfriend, always tells me that I have such a big heart and care for others almost to a fault, where I put others before myself, not being selfish for my own needs and wants. But I feel as if I am letting people down just because I cannot do that right now. By not being a friend that is constantly available and on my "A" game persay, it is making me emotional and drained, unfortunately. I have no energy even to do the most menial of tasks, like my homework. I look around at my peers who seem to have it all together, and I feel like I am lacking some sort of drive or motivation.
To feel lost in a sea of anxiety and worry is not from God. I know that. I need to surrender my illness, and my worries to him, but believing I am super-friend, super-student, super-daughter, and super-girlfriend I am not willing to have anyone at all help me. Even if it is the Almighty, my Savior- my CREATOR! Everything works together for the Lord's purposes, and I know that Christ does not wish ill for me, or pain, but merely wishes peace and relinquished anxiety for my heart, soul, and body.
"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
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